Monday, January 23, 2012

The End of an Era

Okay so I really don't know how long its been, lets see...I think 5 years. I've had a Facebook account for 5 years. And... And... And... Well I get to see a little bit of peoples lives that I love. As you all know(because I don't shut up about it) I don't live near my family, so seeing what they are doing that day with a quick blurb on their Facebook, its been nice. I mean heck, a cousin of mine just had a baby and I didn't even know she was pregnant! See with facebook I get to see all that.

Its a great thing, a wonderful tool to help keep friends and family together even though they live apart. I also hate it. That 'like' button drives me bonkers! But what drives me even more bonkers is when no one comments.

I'll admit it, I will freely admit it, I post some comments because I want some responses, I crave the responses! Does that drive me to write outrageous comments. You bet!

As I've said before I don't live near friends or family, I'm alone. I feel alone on facebook too. I'm already invisible, how many more ways can I scream, DON'T LOOK AT ME, then to post a comment on facebook. Hell, 3 people read my blog on here! 4 every once and a while. My mom doesn't even read this.

I am keeping my blog, because one day I will have children, and I would Love to post about them. I'm better at it then scrap booking. At least this gets updated more then twice a year. Sadly my Alaska scrap book is waiting patiently to be finished, or started, I don't remember.

2 rants in a row, you must all think that I hate my life. You wouldn't be far off, but I've got big plans in the works to fix all that! Thats right, I've hit my rock bottom and I can't stand the way I feel anymore.

I live for my Husband, he's the most amazing man in the whole world, I sure hope he knows how much he means to me. I live for work, I live for the next book I read. Books are an escape. In a book I have friends, I'm involved in something! I am depressed when I finish a book because I've just lost a friend. Pathetic, you bet.

I live for checking my facebook to see if someone has commented on my latest post. I probably check my facebook 5-6 times through out the day. No comments, but 10 likes! You like it? Really? What did you like about it? Or do you just agree with me, or see where I'm coming from? Going through the same thing? Or just hit the 'like' button because it makes it look like your interested in what I'm saying? If you add up all the time I've spent checking my facebook, logging in twice because for some reason it can never get my password right the first time, its a lot of time I could have been doing something else, worth while and all!

I'm starting my change for a happier life. My goals are:
1. Get a new Job.
2. Exercise more.
3. Eat Healthier ( I haven't had a soda in a Week!!)
4. Read something that isn't a novel. That will be hard. But for all the books I read, I haven't read the Book Of Mormon once.
5.Reach out to people. No ones reaching in, but I've got to do something. Joey and I are starting Family nights on mondays. First it was just Joey,Me, and Joey's best friend Matt and his fiance. Tonight it's going to be the same four but with Matts little sister and her husband, along with 2 of Matts fiances (Amber) close friends. Its a start.
6. Remind myself that I'm awesome. Because I really am.
7. Read the Book of Mormon
8. Write in my journal every day
9. Get my Young Women Hood award! I never got it when I was younger, but I'm going to do it with my sweet little beehives.

Facebook has become a source of my depression. I like attention, who doesn't. But with these new goals I've set I need to take things out of my life that depress me, and facebook is one of them.

I will miss seeing how everyone else is doing. All the pictures and silly comments. But I'll get by. Those that I'm really close to, this will have no affect on our relationship, those that I'm not, well I won't miss it then will I and you won't miss me.

End of one Era and the start of another. What I think I'll miss the most, is when I do have a baby, I want to shout I'M PREGNANT as loud and as bold as I can. maybe I'll come back just for that.

7 comments:

The Gramber Bies said...

Awe my love, you live for me too right? Because you are part of me and I can't live without you.

I know how you feel, but don't have the courage to give it up.

I love you puppy, hopefully I can help you out with this. I think it's great.

MeggyT said...

Ill miss seeing what you and Joey are doing but i will always read your blog :) love you both!!!

Eric and Jill said...

That is such a brave act. I sure hope you consider me as both a reader here and a responder on Facebook. I know how you feel about the "like" button. I think I've only used it a couple times. Its hard having only the few people read your well thought out comments or writings!!
Your goals though are impressive. Good luck with reading the book of Mormon. Something I could do better with as well, not to mention the overall healthier lifestyle.
I love you like a sister Als! I know I'm not great at making you know your loved and remembered but you are. I check your blog last least once a day just to see if something new is here.
I'm thinking of you always :-)

Mandy Sue said...

You make me want to give up my Facebook too! I've seriously thought about it...I check mine too much as well and it drives my hubby CRAZY. He hates when I tell him random things about people I stalk, especially when the random things usually piss me off! I enjoy reading your blog!

kristenR said...

Ahhh Ally, as much as I would like to regularly read your blog, I can't...you swore and so now I must put you in the file labeled "potty mouth!" Just kidding...I personally check my facebook once a week or so just to see how my important people are. And to be honest, I don't even read blogs AND only started writing one because I was told I had to if I ever wanted to go anywhere in the writing world.

And, if you're curious, I have decided to read one "classic" a month (along with other books) just so I can pretend to be bettering myself. I started reading about 5 years ago because life sucked soooo bad that I had to get out of my reality into someone else's fantasies. To be honest though, I've noticed that reading can cause some depression problems because then you start to wonder why your life isn't like theirs. Anyway, I wish you good luck, but I still don't think you should leave facebook...I'd miss you! Even if we don't have time to comment (and I DO believe I put smart aleck comments in your posts quite often!!!) it doesn't mean we aren't reading and keeping up. Hugs and kisses...
Kris

Michelle said...

Hey Allysen! I don't think you even knew that I have your blog linked to my own, but I did that awhile back. It seems like you have a lot of followers, because I just read several comments on the first day of this post! I have been thinking a lot lately about frienships in general, and wondering why it seems so hard to get and to keep them. Especially for the nice girls like us?? I am constantly giving myself pep talks like "people didn't call you when you were sick because their lives were so busy and overwhelming that they couldn't" or "they didn't know what to say". Lately, it's "don't look at your neighbors house to see all the other neighbor girls cars that are there." I am trying to find happiness within myself and to not need it from others. But sometimes it still hurts when it feels like other people don't care. Just know that they do. And that they probably think about you all the time. What I've finally realized is that things are different in the "adult world" and everyone is either too busy or too lazy to initiate communication or make plans with others. So I am having to try harder to be the initiator now. Anyway, I miss you and love you! I will send you a message with my blog, phone, and email on your facebook account before you sign off completely. Love, Michelle

Irish Roxs said...

Thanks guys, its really means a lot that you are there for me. Sorry Kris, I didn't mean to swear. Okay yes I did, but I was kinda furiously writing and it seemed like a good "I'm mad, see I swore" kind of thing to do.

I've been talking with my mom a lot and we've come up with my problem. I'm in a stuck energy and I need to change it. And thats what I'm planning on doing. Life is for doers, right? If you don't DO, who will? Waiters get nothing accomplished and ultimately have their choices chosen for them.

Everyone who has commented on my blog are the same people that comment on my facebook, so I apologize to you guys, I love you all very much and you are who I live for! Yes Amber you!

Facebook is great and it has its place, I may keep it, and as you sugest Kris, check it weekly, not 5 times a daily.

Knowing I have you friends/family that are there means the world to me, and I know that it will get me through. You may be far but thats okay, I still love you. All of you!